In all marriages, there comes a time when stress takes its toll on the relationship. Whether the issues are with money, children, or household chores, it doesn’t really matter. After awhile, it seems like all you do anymore is argue and bicker, even over things that don’t really matter. But don’t worry; things can get better if you really want them to. All you need to do is learn how to deal with you or your spouse’s anger, and stick with a method that works.

Here are a few methods to help you and your spouse deal with anger during an argument:

Listen to your partner. It’s only natural to throw back insulting or accusatory remarks when someone is attacking your character. But when you do this you’re not making the situation any better, you’re just making it worse. Try not to play dirty by saying things that will hurt your spouse in return. Wait until they are done yelling, and then try to lead the argument in a calmer direction.

Learn to take responsibility for your part of their anger. There’s a chance you may have subconsciously provoked his or her anger. Think carefully about anything you may have said or done to set them off. If it is something you can avoid, maybe you can try to steer clear of this type of behavior in the future, for the sake of your marriage.

Validate your spouse’s feelings of anger. You won’t solve anything if you dismiss their emotions as futile or stupid. People can’t help the way they feel, and being told that they shouldn’t “feel” a certain way will only fuel more anger. Do your best not to judge your spouse’s feelings and emotions.

Call a “time out.” We use it with our children because it works. Why shouldn’t we use it with our spouse? If you feel the argument escalating out of control, take a step back and let your spouse know that you will not continue with this conversation if they can’t control their anger. Take a “time out” and continue the conversation later on when both of you have calmed down and are thinking more rationally.

Dealing with your spouse’s anger is not going to be easy by any means. It’s going to take a lot of work on both you and your spouse’s parts. If both of you really want things to change for the better, you’re going to have to choose an appropriate approach and stick with it. Cat Tobin